just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
