I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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