Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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