I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
