you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
