What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
third nipple confirmed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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