I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
