my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
