dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
