I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
