Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
