If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
