then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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