It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
