The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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