I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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