how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
