i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
