My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
