I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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