I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
