i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize