You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
