He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
