i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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