Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
