she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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