"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
