Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
