Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
