O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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