hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
