Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
