Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
