Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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