I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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