omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
