Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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