I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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