His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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