so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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