we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
