Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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