He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
