There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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