Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
