I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize