Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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