you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
