I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
