I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
