And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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