Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
