Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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