I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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