Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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