She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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