3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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