I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
