Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
