lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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