You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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