so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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