SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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