he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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