I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
