I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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