the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
