last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
